Introversion - one of those words that society has deemed negative.  How odd.  Why?  There are a lot of people who consider themselves to be introverts that are actually extraverts with low self-esteem.  I’ve spent time with many people like this who feel like they are afflicted with a disorder of sorts.  They admire those that they consider to be ‘true extraverts’ and see themselves as weaker, therefore opposite, therefore introverted.  The results?  The two words - weak & introverted - become interchangeable.  Of course, there are plenty of true introverts out there, but they aren’t necessarily quiet so you cannot define them (or yourself) by chattiness.

But you should also know that many ‘extraverts’ are not truly extraverts, but introverts with low self-esteem who try to overcompensate.  You know the type - they seem to fit the extrovert pattern, talk, talk, talk - but the talk is one-sided and at some point you begin to wonder if their ears are for decoration or purely function as glasses holders.  Right?  Think Del Griffith (John Candy) in Planes, Trains and Automobiles.  Chatty Cathy doll.  That’s not extraversion - that’s loneliness and fear.  Here’s a little tip to help you recognize the difference if you suspect you have encountered a ‘Del’.  During your ‘conversation’ say the strangest word that comes to mind - say, gopher, for example.  If they effortlessly and without pause jump into a story about gophers - run!

And who was stuck in Wichita with Del but Neal (Steve Martin).  An introvert who just wanted to get home to his quiet family.  Who just wanted to quietly read his newspaper.  A true introvert hillariously paired with a masked introvert with gopher-syndrome.

Carl Jung, the father of modern personality studies coined the terms extravert and introvert to describe the two polarities of energy in personalities.  Meaning: extraverts gain energy from the outside world and lose energy from the inside world and introverts are, as expected, the opposite.

Personally, I am extraverted.  I gain energy from sharing experiences with people - and I want to hear their experiences as much as I want to share mine.  For me, learning (and teaching) happens in those shared experiences.  Too little interaction sucks the life out of extraverts like me.  Think Tom Hanks in “Cast Away” whose extraverted character brilliantly survives an island marooning by mimicking - in great detail - a relationship with a stray volleyball he named ‘Wilson’ - right down to the problem solving of breaking up, reconciling then letting go.  It was only when he lost Wilson that Tom Hank’s character quit and let his paddles go.  Now don’t pretend that you didn’t cry when Wilson ‘died’ and Hanks gave up and drifted on alone. ;)

And when I am working late at night or mired deeply in a multitude of projects to the point that my social interaction is weakened, this blog becomes my ‘Wilson’.  You’re not saying much back to me (that I can hear anyway ;), but I’ve painted a little face on my computer screen and pretend that my stories affect you and that you have stories to share back.  And no, I am not on medication, but thanks for asking…;)  That’s extraversion.

Introversion is just the opposite.  I know many people that enjoy company and conversation, but love the opportunity for aloneness to recharge and process their thoughts privately.  Too much interaction sucks the life out of them.  And remember, introverts can be chatty too.  The difference is that they won’t chat as long.  They will tune out mentally and at some point physically as their energy drops and they will process the thoughts that were generated later - alone.

So define yourself and learn how to recharge yourself by recognizing where you derive your energy.  I’ve had many deep conversations about life, politics, religion, you name it with both types of personalities - and for me, the extravert, I go home charged.  So charged that I can’t sit still.  I have to re-digest what I’ve learned with my wife and at some point near exhaustion, I finally retreat with the information and examine it internally.  Introverts skip the whole re-digesting part and likely put the information away until they have the energy again to examine it.

Problem solving, by the way, takes both extraversion and introversion.  We need extraversion to publicly challenge our assumptions (introverts hate this) and collect enough information.  And equally, introversion helps us to step out of the chaos that is life (extraverts hate this) and correct our course.  Introversion is a skill everyone should have at least to a small degree.  Yet, society will tell you that introversion is negative.  Bunk.

And this all begs the questions - which are you - introverted or extraverted?  Do you sometimes feel stuck in Wichita with Del or are you more likely to feel marooned with Wilson?  And how has this polarity affected your relationships?  Can you think of times where you’ve socially been paired up with someone similar to you - you probably gained energy from this.  And how about those times when you are paired up with the opposite personality - a draining time?

The net gain here is to identify your energy source and recognize the energy needs/abilities of those around you.  When you are feeling adventurous, sit down with an opposite, but when you feel like you are battling for energy, find your comfort zone with a like-minded person and recharge.  This information should help you improve both your personal and professional relationships.  Many marriages have been saved with this knowledge just as many businesses have grown faster than believed possible with it.

We get a lot of questions about how we parent our children.  So much so that our next seminar out will probably be on parenting. There are the obvious questions about their great public behavior, but the thing that people notice next is how ‘smart’ they sense our kids are.

Now if you’ve been with me a while, you know I love my kids greatly.  And you also know they can frustrate their parents with the best of them!  But I operate under the unbiased assumption that my kids are not special by birthright.  I know, hard to believe a parent thinks that way, but it’s true.  Smart is just knowledge, not ability.  See my Secret to High IQs article if you need more thoughts on that.  What I do teach them is that their knowledge, opportunities and how they use those two can make them special.  And it works - see Is Competition Healthy for Kids?

What I won’t disagree with is that our kids have an overdose access to knowledge.  Somebody once told me that learning from me is like trying to drink water from a fire hydrant, and that’s true but I’ll tell you, kids are adaptable.  They will drink as much knowledge as you give them.

The other day, Julie and the kids came home from the beach with a rare sea turtle that had predatory injuries as it tried to make it’s way to the Gulf Stream.  So they brought it home, we scoured the internet and nursed/exercised it until we were able to deliver it to a wildlife rescue the next day.  We learned not only about sea turtles and the Gulf Stream, but of course it was another opportunity to learn team work, nurturing and unselfishness - teaching opportunities.  If you are a parent, you know this and hopefully you both find and take advantage of these opportunities often.  Kids learn more and much faster than most parents believe.

Occasionally I am given the opportunity to show what I’m talking about and without fail, it blows people away.  I can’t tell you how many times friends and family members have come up to me and said, ‘You know I just don’t think he/she is ready to tie their shoes and I’m ready to throw in the towel.’

Hmmm….what to do?  I know for a fact that this 5-6 year old can tie their shoes and I can teach them in 20 minutes.  And I don’t intend to get them to mimick, I mean teach in such a way that they’re doing it weeks and months from now.  Now, I can’t guarantee you anything when they hit their teens - I can only do so much!

An opportunity like this becomes multi-tasking for me, because as much as I want to teach this child to tie his/her shoes, the bigger joy for me is teaching the parent how to teach and what their kids are capable of doing.  That is the gift that keeps on giving.

So how do I do that?  First off, I cut the bs.  Stories have a place in teaching, but not for simple tasks.  This is a job for mechanics and memory.  Most people want to teach something about a rabbit jumping through a hole - I don’t.  I show them, ‘hey, you have to make this loop so that the knot will hold, but still allow you to untie them easily.  Besides, we have to do something with all of this shoelace to keep you from falling on your face in front of pretty girl/handsome guy!  See how that works?’  And they laugh - and learn.

And it always amazes me that we double task our kids.  How did our teachers teach us the planets?  ‘My very eager mother, blah blah blah’.  Right?  My thought goes like this - I can teach my kids that sentence but then they have to translate upon memory which of course takes longer.  Just teach them the planets - then they only have one thing to remember.  Plus, they might be distracted by the silliest of things…”my very eager mother…chased me around the house last night yelling at me to clean my room!  Ahhh, I hate cleaning my room AND the planets.”

Another example is bi-lingual teaching.  If you want fluency, then you want to teach your kids to ‘think’ in their second language - not translate.  So you don’t show them the French word ‘rouge’ and follow by saying ‘red’ and connecting those two ‘words’, instead you teach them the same way you taught them their primary language, say ‘rouge’ and point to something that is rouge.

So to wrap up, how it is I teach so effectively, it’s like this - I keep it simple and here’s the big key, the key that burns it into memory - repetition and praise.  I’ve tought many kids to tie their shoes in 20 minutes and it’s a very active 20 minutes.  We start with the base knot.  Then I untie it and make them repeat it. We probably do this 20 times - the first few times they giggle and laugh because it seems silly to them to have to repeat this rather simple, single task.  But then, they get what’s going on and they start burning it in.  Repetition.  Then we move to the next step but every single time starting with the base knot.  You build the pyramid and everytime, start at the base and move up 1 platform every 3-4 times or so.

Now, older kids will fight this sometimes.  That’s ok.  Praise them more and turn it into a challenge.  Kids can’t resist a good challenge.

Behavioral psychologist B.F. Skinner said that there are 5 main obstacles in learning:

1. People have a fear of failure
2. There is a lack of directions
3. There is also a lack of clarity in the direction
4. Positive reinforcement is not used enough
5. The task is not broken down into small enough steps

Skinner suggests that with all of the obstacles out of the way any age appropriate skill can be taught using his 5 principles:

1. Have small steps
2. Work from most simple to most complex tasks
3. Repeat the directions as many times as possible
4. Give immediate feedback
5. Give positive reinforcement

Don’t take my word for it - give it a try and remember a couple of things: it usually works, the younger the child or the longer you’ve been using this method the better, so don’t give up - takes breaks until you get the feel for it - once it clicks, you’ll be glad you did it.

Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.

Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.

Don’t argue with a fool. Spectators won’t be able to tell the difference.

Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.

Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.

In an episode of Cheers, Cliff is seated at the bar explaining the Buffalo theory of drinking beer to his buddy Norm…

“Well, you see Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it’s the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.”

“In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.”

“In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weakest brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

I’ll drink to that.

Love these ads from fatherhood.gov - I think fatherhood.org has done similar types of ads showing Dads going above and beyond to support their children and make an impact in their lives.

A bad plan is better than no plan.

A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.

A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.